But I am.
This morning, I made it to work at 7:58 a.m. sharp. I bolted upstairs and made it to the Monday morning staff meeting. I made my way to the back of the room and stared at my calendar. So much to do. So much to do. I could hear the teachers around me. Talking, laughing. I buried my nose in my calendar. So much to do. So much to … wah.
Actually, I wanted to cry. Right there. I bet everyone thinks I’m such a snob, I was thinking. But I didn’t have a word. Not one. Actually, I had a word for myself. Well, two words: Oh no.
And I couldn’t get those two words off my mind. Oh no had been on my mind since the previous night. Sunday night. When, right before bed, I felt something wet and in the bathroom, noticed blood. Blood.
Oh no. Blood!? My heart raced, because, at four months pregnant, it’s an ominous sign. I called out for hubby. It wasn’t a whole lot so I went to bed and decided I would call my doc in the morning. So sitting in the meeting, while my boss was talking kudos, I was thinking oh no.What if? Well, maybe it’s not too bad. But, still, what if? At four months, a baby is not viable. And this is my last baby. So if this baby’s not viable, then there is no another baby. Ever.
I felt better, when around 10, my nurse called. Her words (which I will spare you) settled my mind. She went down a checklist, and I was on the okay side. Until a few hours later, when it happened again. And this is where I leave you. Waiting again.
So I said that maybe I shouldn’t be. But, yeah, I totally should be. Worried. Actually, torn. I feel like it’s OK, but there’s always the what if. Right?
About Suzy
Oh Suzy hon… no words are adequate. Please believe what happens is what is SUPPOSED to happen. You know what they say, “If you want to make God laugh just tell Him your plans.” He knows what He is doing and won’t give you any more than you can bear.
Thinking of you and sending you lots of positive thoughts. I’m sorry you have to go through all this worry and fear. I hope everything turns out ok for you and your family.
Suzy, I’m so sorry you are going through this
It is SO hard. I hope and pray you get wonderful uplifting news. In 2002 when I was 32 weeks along with my first child, I woke up in the morning and I thought my water broke. I was COVERED in some liquid, soaking from waist to ankles. I ran to the bathroom freaking out. Then the fear multiplied exponentially when I realized my sweatpants were soaked in blood. OMG I cannot tell you how upset I was. I just fell down on my feet and starting praying and begging God not to let my baby die. My husband frantically called 911. Long story short, the baby was perfectly fine. No harm to him whatsoever. They did a ton of tests and could not figure out what exactly caused the bleeding (severe vaginal hemhorraging-sp?) they kept me in the hospital for a week and put me on bed rest after that. I delivered a beautiful perfect little boy at 37 weeks. So stay positive if you can (I know its so hard when the fear and worry start creeping in) and believe your little one is perfectly healthy, and let us know what you find out. <>
Praying for you and the baby…I hope that the doctor will help calm your fears with some good news. God is all powerful and He is the one with the true healing power so send all your worries to Him. He has this handled already
Praying for you Suzy and your baby that God wraps his healing arms around you!
Thank you all for being here with me through this. It didn’t turn out well. But your words have meant so much to me. Thanks again.
I just read what you are going through and my heart goes out. I have been where you are and send all prayers and support to you and your family.