I just celebrated my 7th wedding anniversary.  Seven years went by really, really fast.  But my seven years seem like nothing when I think of my parents’ 40 years or my in-law’s 45 years.  What have they learned in those forty plus years?  What do they know that I have yet to learn?

Apparently, I am not the only 30-something to ask these questions.  Several years back,  Mathew Boggs and Jason Miller , bachelors without much experience in love and marriage, found themselves asking these same questions as they looked around at their generation’s starter marriages and an escalating divorce rate.

Matthew Boggs, whose parents divorced, was jaded about marriage. But he noticed his grandmother and grandfather, who had been married for 63 years, were still madly in love. He wanted to discover the secret to a long, happy marriage.  So Boggs and his friend, Jason Miller, traveled 12,000 miles around the U.S. to talk to what they call the “Marriage Masters,” couples who have been married 40 years or more.

TODAYshow.com asked the bachelors to give the top 7 secrets to a long and happy marriage.  Here are the first 4 secrets.  To read more go to http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/19031744/.

1.  Divorce? Never! Murder? Often!
A large percentage of the Marriage Masters had taken divorce out of the equation.  They had made a lifetime committment that they would see through, whether life was better or worse.  This committment allowed them to see solutions to their worst problems rather than looking for the quickest escape.

That said, there are deal breakers that very few of the interviewed couples advocated working through. These are known as the three A’s — addiction, adultery, and abuse. A marriage overwhelmed by any of these three issues is unhealthy, plain and simple, and the Marriage Masters suggest that if you find yourself overwhelmed with any of the three A’s, take care of yourself (and your safety) first, and the marriage second.

2. There’s no such thing as a perfect marriage, only perfect moments.
“Whoever said being soul mates was going to be easy?”, said one Marriage Master wife.   Her husband of 52 years nodded, then added, “Marriage is a bed of roses, thorns and all.”

They encouraged us to expect non-perfection; practice patience and give the love and acceptance that we want to recieve.  Difficult, yet the results deem the effort well worth it.

3. Unpack the Gunnysack.

Get rid of your baggage.  Don’t harbor resentments and anger against your spouse.  Find a way to get it out, work it out, and then let it go; so you can both keep on stepping together.

So where did some Marriage Masters go to build that trusting, open environment?  Weekend marriage retreats! These powerful getaways stood out in many of  their minds as the one experience that turned their faltering marriage into a flourishing one.

4.  Never Stop Dating.
One woman, married 47 years before her husband passed away, disclosed her secret to lifelong love. Every night, when her husband came home from work, they went up to their bedroom and hung a sign on the door that read “Do Not Disturb: Marriage In Progress.” For the following fifteen minutes they’d focus all their attention on one another. No phones, no pets, no distractions; even the kids knew that mom and dad were not to be bothered. She didn’t actually say what they did in their room every evening, but rather left it to the imagination with a laugh.

Just this February, Brooklyn celebrated New York City couples who have been married 50 years or more at the El Caribe restaurant.    For a little more inspiration, go to http://www.lemondrop.com/2010/02/18/now-thats-commitment-secrets-of-5-couples-married-50-years-o/.  You will meet five more couples, married 50 years or longer and get their secrets to everlasting love.

I will leave you with these wise words.  “You are the master of your words until they are spoken,” a Marriage Master of 65 years pointed out. “Then they become the master of you … so choose your words carefully.”